


Get by With a Little Help

by Skitz_phenom



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, M/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-14
Updated: 2011-04-14
Packaged: 2017-10-18 02:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skitz_phenom/pseuds/Skitz_phenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An accident at an Ancient Laboratory manages to trap several Atlantis personnel and expose them to a mildly mind-altering substance, leaving John and Rodney to keep an eye on the them during their ordeal. Munchies are experienced, much giggling ensues and truths are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get by With a Little Help

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 2010 sga_santa on Livejournal for taste_is_sweet.

"You know, if you're going to gloat, Rodney, I'm going to make you sit in the back of the jumper with the bulkhead door closed." John turned slightly and raised a hand to wag a finger at him. "No laughing, either."

Rodney made a noise that was suspiciously snicker-like, but turned it into a cough when John glared at him. "I just felt the need to point out that I... was... ri-i-ght." He practically sing-songed the last word.

John grumped and slouched deeper into the pilot's seat. "Hey, you can't blame me for thinking the way I did. I haven't exactly had the best luck with dinosaurs since we've been in Pegasus."

"I'll give you that," Rodney conceded, _far_ too easily in John's opinion. "But, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about the big scary monsters." And yeah, that was more like it.

Just for fun, he jerked hard on the flight controls of the Puddlejumper and took them into a endless barrel roll. The inertial dampeners meant that they really didn't feel it, but John knew that just the view out the front window was enough to mess with Rodney's equilibrium.

"Sheppard!" Rodney squawked.

John straightened them out, and gave a sideways smirk to the other man. "What was that about my pretty head, McKay?"

Rodney just glowered.

Oops. He'd kind of broken the unspoken rules of their particular brand of give and take. When Rodney went into silent-mode it meant that he'd escalated to physical retaliation far too soon.

"Hey," he finally offered a few minutes later, "you said they were mammals not reptiles, right?" Rodney reluctantly nodded. "We should tell Ronon about those things. I bet he'd love to try to hunt one." It was, in terms of their banter, a peace offering. Well, in the sense that deflecting their mocking to someone else on the team (especially when that particular someone wasn't there to defend himself through judicious use of physical retaliation) could be considered a peace offering.

"Oh god, that's all we'd need." And yep, that was the right thing to say to get them back on an even keel. "Can you just imagine? He'd probably want to go after it with like, just one knife." Rodney's hands flailed rather descriptively in front of him, and John kept one eye on the heads-up display and one on Rodney. Rodney could be very theatrical with his gesticulation. "Or wait, better yet: bare-handed."

"He'd probably manage." John shrugged. Sure the things had looked about the size of elephants, but they had scrawny giraffe necks, they moved pretty slow, and John was fairly certain those spikes were ornamental.

"You're probably right. Of course, then he'd want to keep its head as a trophy." Rodney mock shuddered. "And that's just what we'd need whenever we do team-night in Ronon's room. Another set of lifeless eyes staring at us."

John had to agree. They'd let him keep the head and pelt of some kind of bear-cougar-lizard beast from M5S-484 that he'd taken down completely unarmed to win them trading rights, and it was pretty creepy the way the thing's glass eyes seemed to follow you around the room. At least he'd talked Ronon into keeping it in his quarters. After he'd killed the damn thing, he'd wanted to display his trophy in the gate room. "Hey, maybe it would barbecue nice? Be some big ol' steaks from that thing."

Rodney perked up a little at that suggestion. "Hrm, you think so? I mean, that six-legged lizard he killed on L64-671 turned out to be pretty tasty, but then again, those birds on ..." He broke off as their comm activated.

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Atlantis, come in please."

"Sheppard, here."

"Ah, Colonel." That was Woolsey. "How goes the scouting?"

"Nothing too interesting to report. We've covered a good fifty square miles around the research station and aside from some indigenous animal life," he stifled a laugh as Rodney coughed into his fist something that sounded suspiciously like 'barney...dinosaur', "we're getting no life-sign readings, or any other energy readings besides those from the Ancient outpost."

"That's good to hear, Colonel."

"Have Ronon and Teyla checked in yet?" he asked.

"Did Carson figure out anything more interesting about the purpose of the lab yet?" Rodney added.

"Actually, that's why I contacted you. Teyla and Ronon missed their scheduled check-in. They're only twenty minutes over-due, but I haven't heard from Colonel Lorne's team either." Woolsey didn't sound too concerned yet, merely cautious. John and Rodney exchanged matching frowns. Twenty minutes past check-in wasn't too much to be alarmed about but they'd left Teyla and Ronon with Lorne's team and Doctor Beckett investigating an Ancient lab; and he'd learned long ago that anything involving the Ancients was a potential disaster waiting to explode in their faces.

"Understood, sir. We're on our way back to the lab right now. We'll dial in as soon as we've got more intel."

"That sounds good, Colonel. Atlantis out."

John looked over at Rodney again as the comm went silent. "How sure were you that that was a medical facility?"

Rodney already had his computer up and was scanning through data. "Positive." There was no room for doubt in his voice. "And we also ensured there weren't doing any kind of work with nanites or nano-technology or bioweapons research. From all indications, they were using the facility to do research on the local flora for preventive and curative medicinal applications."

John nodded and pushed a little more speed out of the jumper. He was about to try to reach Teyla on the radio when the comm crackled to life again.

"Colonel Sheppard? This is Sergeant Meacham, do you copy?"

"Sheppard, here." John replied immediately, "Go ahead, Sergeant."

"Sir, there's been a bit of an incident at the lab. I think you and Doctor McKay should return here as quickly as possible."

"We're already on our way." He glanced at the display. "ETA is four minutes. Meacham, any injuries?"

There was a lengthy pause. "Uh, no, Sir. Not really."

"Not really?" Rodney blurted. "I think that's a pretty easy yes or no question, Sergeant."

John shot Rodney a look, which silenced him, though he couldn't help but agree. "Can you clarify that, Sergeant?”

"Well, Sir. It seems that the team inside the lab have been exposed to some kind of chemical or substance. Before he broke off radio contact, Doctor Beckett assured us that it wasn't harmful and that everyone was fine. He didn't sound too concerned, Sir. But the lab went into some kind of lock-down mode and we can't get in beyond that first chamber, which is all but powered down. The lab itself is sealed and Doctor Beckett hasn't responded since."

Rodney snorted derisively. "Not harmful? Why would the place go into quarantine mode if whatever they were exposed to wasn't harmful?"

John lifted one shoulder in a shrug, and then addressed the comm again. "Who's all stuck inside the lab, Sergeant?"

"Everyone but myself and Corporal Hendersen, Sir."

"Alright, Sergeant. You take Hendersen and head back to the gate. Report the situation to Atlantis and tell them we've got a quarantine situation, and that we'll need the HAZMAT suits."

"Yes, Sir."

"Sheppard, out." He tabbed off the comm and then turned to look at Rodney. "Does it seem just a little weird to you that Beckett didn't sound concerned about being stuck in an Ancient Lab, off-world, with some unknown chemical leak?"

Rodney pretended to think about it. "Hrmm, in the Pegasus scheme of things, I think that falls somewhere short of life-sucking vampire aliens on the weirdness scale, but definitely above plants that hum when you water them. " John nodded agreeably. It was a fair assessment. He'd liked those plants though. He had one in his room for a while before the botanists insisted they return it to the greenhouse since he 'couldn't be trusted to look after it properly.' It _was_ possible he had over-watered it.

They both went silent when the lab finally came into sight and John busied himself with landing the jumper. Fortunately since it was an Ancient facility, it was fully equipped for dealing with the Puddlejumpers and had a landing platform just a few yards away from the entrance. Just to be on the safe side, he engaged the cloak as soon as he and Rodney headed out.

The door to the antechamber opened immediately when John waved his hand in front of the controls, and when they got inside the room was dim and the central control console that had been active earlier in the day was gone dark. He tried the door that led to the first chamber of the lab, but it wouldn't respond. "Rodney, can we get communication into that room?"

Rodney had already interfaced his laptop with the lab's console and was typing away. "I'm working on it. Seems like this quarantine protocol diverts power from the station out here, and routes it directly to the labs." He dropped to floor, pulled open a panel below the console, and switched a few crystals, then was back up in the chair, pushing buttons. "There," he said triumphantly after only a few moments, and lights flickered on with a hum while the whole station powered up. "We should have internal comms back online. I'll see what I can do to get a visual inside the room." He went back to his frantic typing.

John tapped the intercom panel Rodney had indicated. "Ronon, Teyla? This is Sheppard, come in." There was no response, so he tried again. "Teyla, this is Sheppard, please respond."

"Colonel," Teyla's voice finally responded through the speaker. "It's so good to hear from you." He fought the urge to do a double take, because Teyla's voice sounded weird. It was all slow, and drawling. Kinda sexy actually.

"What's wrong with her?" Rodney hissed, placing his hand over the mic. "She doesn't sound normal. She sounds a-lot like you, in fact."

John ignored that and pushed Rodney's hand away. "It's good to hear from you too, Teyla. Want to tell me what's going on? Sergeant Meacham said there'd been some kind of a chemical spill?"

"Oh, it's alright, John." He looked at Rodney, whose eyes went wide as he mouthed 'John'. "We're absolutely fin..." She broke off with a high-pitched squeal.

"Teyla!" John shouted, panic zinging through him. "Teyla, what's happening? Teyla, answer me, dammit!"

A strange scuffling sort of sound came over the radio for a moment and then Teyla's voice was back. "Apologies, John. Ronon wanted to talk but I would not let him, so he tickled me. He is a much more skilled tickler than I would have given him credit for." She giggled. John looked at Rodney again, whose blue eyes were still almost comically wide and the slant of his mouth slack with disbelief, and knew that poleaxed expression was probably mirrored on his own face.

"Uh, Teyla," he said very slowly and deliberately, "is Doctor Beckett there with you?"

"Of course, John. He is right here." Her voice quieted, as if she'd moved away from the radio for a moment. "Carson," he heard her call out in a very melodious way. "Carson, it's John. He wants to talk to you. No, Evan, please do not let Ronon get up... he will tickle me again." There were more scuffling sounds, and quite a bit of laughing in several masculine pitches along with Teyla's high, feminine one.

A moment later, Beckett came through with a very loud and hearty, "Hullo, Colonel!"

"Uh, hey, Doc."

"Is Rodney there with you?"

"I'm right here, Carson," Rodney said, leaning close to the mic.

"Rodney, lad!" And damn him if Carson didn't sound like he was thrilled to death at hearing McKay's voice. "How are ye?" His accent made the words almost unintelligible. The only time John had ever heard Beckett's brogue so thick was when they'd all been drinking, heavily.

"I'm fine, Carson." Rodney replied in the same patient and careful tone John had used a moment ago.

"Can you tell me what's going on? What you were exposed too?"

"Oh, it's nothin' tae worry about, lad. Just a wee bit 'o laughing gas." He hiccupped, and then someone else in the room said something unintelligible that had a chorus of laughter echoing through the speaker.

"Carson? Carson, stay with me here."

"I'm here, Rodney. I'm not going anywhere, lad. I cannae, all the doors are locked!" He burst into another fit of giggles.

"What do you mean by laughing gas, Carson. I need you to be more specific. Please." He covered the mic again and looked up at John, an utterly disgruntled expression on his face. "It's like talking to three-year-olds," he whispered vehemently. "I swear, Madison on a sugar binge is easier to talk to than this."

"Oh, it's a marvelous little component, Rodney," Carson cooed. "I did what can best be described as a high protein thin layer chromatography of its phytochemical constituents. It contains a phenolic alcohol that quite resembles tetrahydrocannabinol in its make-up. And somehow the Ancients have managed to aerosolize it."

Rodney tapped the comm button off and frowned up at John. "That's THC."

"You mean, like in weed?" Rodney nodded. "You're telling me they're stoned?" Rodney nodded again.

"It sure seems that way." He thumbed the comm again. "Carson, you said it's not dangerous, right?"

"Och, no. It's pear-fectly harmless. I think the ancients were using it to treat a number of chronic pain and degenerative ocular conditions from wha' I can tell."

"Well then why did its release trigger the quarantine?"

Carson giggled again. "Ohh, that. That was all Major Lorne's fault."

"Lieutenant Colonel," several voices could be heard calling out in tandem to correct him.

"Aye, Lieutenant Colonel Lorne. Ah'm never gonna get that right." A heavy breath gusted into the speaker, as if he were sighing, or just exhaling right over the microphone. "Ennaway, as I was saying, Colonel Lorne did it."

John fought the urge to put a hand in his hair and just tug in frustration. "What did Colonel Lorne do, Carson?" he asked.

"Colonel Sheppard?" That was Lorne's voice. "This is Colonel Lorne, Colonel..." And oh god, now Lorne was sniggering.

"Lorne," John growled.

"Sorry, Colonel." Lorne snickered again. From the background John heard Teyla helpfully offer, "Perhaps you should just call him John." and then Lorne was back, saying, "Right, Colonel John, Sir."

And that was about enough to shred the rest of John's patience. "Lorne, tell me what the hell happened," he snapped.

Something of the command in his tone must've come through, because Lorne sounded a fraction more under control when he replied. "Well, Doctor Beckett showed me the override controls for the containment system earlier, and when the leak happened, I thought it best to activate them. I think that I was supposed to wait until we were out of the room…"

Rodney cut him off and shooed John away from the comm. "Lorne, is Zelenka in there with you?"

"Yeah," Lorne drawled. "He's right here, Doc." There were more shuffling noises, and what distinctly sounded like an ass slap.

"Zelenka," Rodney snapped out, "what can you tell me about the containment system?"

"Rodney, my friend." And damn, Zelenka sounded as gone as everyone else. "Is good to hear your voice. We were just speaking of you. Bylo to dobré , přísahám."

"Yes, yes," Rodney barked again. "I'm your very best friend. Can we skip the pleasantries and get onto the diagnostic?"

John listened as Zelenka babbled at length about circuits and couplers and rerouting power - at least that's what John assumed he was talking about, he really wasn't paying attention, plus half of it was in Czech - and he gave Rodney a hand-rolling, 'get on with it' gesture. Rodney nodded. "Zelenka, listen. Zelenka..." he tried to cut in, but the other scientist was really on a roll, "Radek!"

The comm went silent for a moment. "Yes, Rodney?" Geez, Zelenka sounded sulky. John almost felt bad for Rodney sniping at him.

"What's the containment protocol for this particular substance? How long is it in effect?"

"Ummm," Radek was silent again, but over the increasingly juvenile background noises, they could hear the sounds of keys clicking. "Sixteen hours, approximately."

Rodney heaved a sigh. "Finally. Thank you, Radek."

"You're very welcome, Rodney. Is a shame you can not come in to join us. Máme se skvěle baví!"

John smiled as Rodney rolled his eyes so hard his head moved in a slight rotation with them. "Yes, it's a big shame. Now, why don't you join the others for a few minutes and be quiet while Colonel Sheppard and I talk." He looked up at John and just shook his head. "So." He said conversationally a moment later.

"So," John echoed.

"Sew buttons!" someone (disturbingly John thought it might have been Lorne) called into the comm, to a riotous chorus of laughter.

Rodney flicked off the comm with an aggrieved sigh. "That's enough of that."

"So," John repeated slowly, holding up placating hands at Rodney's sudden glower. "I was just gonna ask what we do now?"

Rodney un-bristled. "Well, if what Zelenka says is correct, the system has various protocols in place for each of the different substances that were being tested and synthesized here. Normally this protocol is triggered after everyone has evacuated the lab, but I'm guessing Carson wasn't clear on this when he explained the safety systems to Colonel Lorne. Either that or he’d already been affected by the exposure and wasn’t thinking clearly. He triggered the protocol too early and it locked them down inside the lab, instead of outside." John was going to have a serious talk with Lorne about doing anything in an ancient lab without clear instruction from the science member on his team. "This particular component seems to require a sixteen point eight hour quarantine of all systems. I suspect that once the drug is considered sufficiently diluted by the lab's air purifiers, the lockdown will cancel itself out."

"Are you saying that they're all going to be high for the next," he glanced at his watch. Had it only been twelve minutes since they landed? It felt like hours already, "oh, fifteen or so hours?"

"Well, I'd imagine the effects won't last quite that long. The leak has been contained and I'm sure the concentration has already lessened considerably since the first exposure. But, the bodies' absorption rate is going to differ for each individual, and I also suspect that this stuff is a bit more potent that plain old Earth marijuana." He shrugged. "I'm not a botanist, so I really don't know. But if you give me a little bit of time, I can confirm Zelenka's findings about the protocol in the data center out here.

John nodded. "Sure, why don't you get started on that. I'll get back in touch with Meacham and Hendersen and send them back to Atlantis. As long as no one's in any danger, I think the best thing to do is just wait this out."

"We're on babysitting duty, you mean."

"Yep." John nodded again.

He left Rodney working at the console and his laptop, grumbling under his breath all the while, and headed out to the Jumper to radio the marines. Apparently they'd worked pretty fast to get the hazmat suits prepped and through the gate, and sounded a bit disgruntled when John told them to head on back to Atlantis without them. He understood that they didn't want to leave their team leader and Zelenka their interim scientist behind, but John had a feeling that things could get... uncomfortable. He'd spent a few weekends during his college years stoned off his ass, and had some bleary, and definitely embarrassing memories of that time. The fewer witnesses, he decided, the better.

Once he got all of that settled, he gathered up the packs, bedrolls and some other supplies from the jumper and headed back into the complex. He stacked everything in a corner, secured the door and by the time he rejoined Rodney, there were three different display panels in front of him, each showing the interior of one of three different rooms that made up the lab. "We've got visual, I see."

"Yep," Rodney needlessly confirmed. "And audio with it. We'll still need to activate the comm if we want to communicate directly, but we can keep an eye on things from here." He waved John over and pointed to his laptop screen, where there was a whole lot of data that John's eyes kind of glazed over at. Rodney would explain it anyway. "I was also able to confirm that Zelenka, despite being as high as a kite, was right about the quarantine period. If it were absolutely necessary to get in there, I _could_ rig an override, but I'd rather not risk it. There were several other substances the Ancients were working with at this facility and an override on the quarantine system could cause power fluctuations in those containment units, and I can only assume anything still in containment here would be viable, just like the stuff our high-flying friends were exposed to. The happy bunch in there can just sleep it off."

"What about supplies? They have enough food and water?" He didn't see their packs in this room, so assumed they were inside the lab.

"Yeah. They've all got canteens and field rations for two days. Although, I suspect that they're going to run out of food sooner than later."

"Why's that?" He actually wondered for a moment if there was something about the drug that would have a weird kind of effect on their metabolism, before he caught on. "Oh, the munchies."

Rodney chuckled. "Yeah. You missed it a few minutes ago. Ronon must have a stash of chocolate bars on him, because he pulled one out of his vest and Teyla just tackled him!" He sounded rather awed by the whole thing. "Took him right out at the knees and wrestled it out of his hands. Of course, being Teyla, once she had it she shared it with everyone."

John smiled and shook his head, then asked in his most unassuming voice. "I uh, don't suppose there's any way to record the video feed?"

Rodney's brows drew in and his mouth thinned into a frown. "Sheppard."

John ducked his chin, feeling just a little bit guilty, then caught just the barest, there and gone flash of guilt on Rodney's face. "You're already recording it, aren't' you?" When Rodney's cheeks flushed almost immediately, John crowed, "Ha! I knew it."

"What? I've needed blackmail material on Zelenka for a while now. He's been holding that damn self-recording Birthday card I gave to Madison over my head for months now! Sneaky Czech bastard. I should never have recorded myself singing to her while I was in the lab. Not my fault the acoustics are good in there."

John just clapped him on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's get our gear set-up and then we can settle in for the show."

Since they were indoors in a nice room with environmental controls he hadn't bothered with the tent, but it still took a few minutes to get their packs arranged and sleeping bags unrolled. "What're they gonna sleep on in there? Do they have blankets?"

"Oh, sure," Rodney waved away John's concern as he shook out his neatly folded blanket and snapped it up to get an even spread before letting it drift down to the makeshift pallet below. "It's a medical treatment facility. They're going to be more comfortable than us. They've got beds and actual pillows." He knelt down and started through the pack. "What kinds of MRE's did you grab? None of those Chili with beans, I hope."

"Hey," John protested, "I like those."

"Yes, well. They may taste good, but they don't have the most pleasant effects on the body and if I've got to share a confined space with you, it's just as well you avoid setting off any other containment sensors."

It was juvenile, and John couldn't help but snicker. "Fart jokes? That's just great, Rodney. You sure none of that pot smoke is leaking in here?"

"It's not smoke, it's an aerosolized mist, and no, we haven't been exposed. I've just shared a tent with you enough times to know better."

Okay, he might have to agree with that one. "That's fair. And, I grabbed the Pot Roast, a Beef Stew and that Chicken Pesto, and I think one of the Cheese Ravioli."

Rodney grinned at him. "All my favorites. Thanks, Sheppard."

"Well, if I grab ones you don't like, you end up stealing all the good stuff from mine," he explained, but couldn't help smiling fondly, "so it's as much for me as it is for you."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Sheppard." He smirked. After a few more minutes of arranging, he got up and went back to the console and his laptop. "You mind if I get some work done?"

"Nah," John shrugged. "You go ahead. I'll keep an eye on the kids."

John settled into one of the chairs at the console, leaned back and swung his feet up to balance on its edge. The position gave him the perfect view of all three screens. Rodney stopped working long enough to push, ineffectually, at his feet before giving up and explaining the volume control, and then went back to his laptop. The staccato of key-clicks provided a nice, familiar background noise, and John leaned back even further in the chair, adjusted the volume control so that he could hear what was going on in the room, before bringing his arms up and interlacing his fingers behind his head.

It was a-lot like watching reality T.V. he realized a few minutes later. Everyone was settled in one room and there were about three different conversations going on all at once. From the way Ronon's arms were flailing as he talked to Doctor Zelenka, he must've been describing some kind of battle. Carson had kept enough sense to know that monitoring their physiological well-being was a good idea, and was running some kind of scanner in front of Teyla's chest. At least John _hoped_ that's what he was doing. Lorne was sitting off to one side, carefully disassembling his P90. That, John was even happier to see.

He watched for a while longer, seeing conversational partners change, some limited sparring between Lorne and Ronon (though he doubted either of them could take down a kitten right at the moment), and far too much giggling. He reached his arms up to stretch, pretending not to notice when Rodney glanced at the lower hem of his shirt that was pulling out of his BDU's. "I'm gonna get something to eat. You?"

Rodney waved him away. "In a minute. I just want to finish up this report I'm writing. I'm finding that the best way to convince Woolsey I need new equipment and personnel is to write ridiculously long-winded reports that say the same things over and over again. I think it's the repetition that finally does it."

"It's the bureaucracy of it all," John explained as he prepped his dinner. "The man loves a well-filled-out form almost more than those three-piece-suits he insists on having on Atlantis."

Rodney snorted. "Hey, don't mock the suits. Remember how they paid off with the people on P4X-559."

John decided to get two more of the MREs ready for Rodney. He knew from experience that Rodney would polish off most of two, and what was left behind, he usually didn't mind too much. He also made sure to trade accessory packets from his chicken pesto and Rodney's beef stew. The beef stew came with accessory packet B, which had lemon iced tea instead of instant coffee. "True. They were funny little guys. Didn't respect the combats, or even the uniform, but once they saw the suit, they were quick to trade us that fruit. C'mon, finish that up, dinner is waiting."

"Okay, okay," Rodney grumbled, but he clicked a few final keys, closed the lid on his laptop and then joined John. They continued the conversation about Woolsey's suits while they ate; reminiscing about how the one (charcoal pin-stripe with a wine red tie) they'd finally agreed to trade to the natives made that tribal elder look kind of like a bum in a pimp suit.

Swapping his pound cake for Rodney's fruit (the wet packed was so much better than the dried), John asked, "So, for uh, calls of nature, are we gonna have to actually be in nature?" He looked around the room.

"Nope." Rodney pointed to the opposite corner of the room where one of the wall panels was suspiciously blank. "There's the Ancient equivalent of a lavatory over there. About as comfortable as an airplane bathroom, but it's functional and when I powered this room back up, I got the water running again."

"Cool." He finished up his dinner, packed up his trash and went to check it out.

When John returned to his seat at the console, Rodney was there too and had his laptop open, but he wasn't paying too much attention to it and was instead watching the screen. Beckett had settled on the floor with his back against the wall, and the others were similarly positioned nearby in chairs or on the floor in a sort of loose circle. "Yanno," he said with an oddly wistful tone in his voice, "I used tae have a wee crush on ye, Teyla."

Teyla mock-gasped and feigned a shocked expression. “Why Doctor Beckett,” she chastised, but couldn't hold the ruse for very long and began giggling.

Lorne nodded about thirty seconds later, looking slightly sheepish. "Me too."

Zelenka echoed him. "I also."

Ronon peered over at her through the fall of his dreadlocks, grinning as he said, "Me too."

This didn't seem to faze Teyla, who was still giggling. She dropped out of her chair, sort of half-shimmied, half-crawled across the floor and lay down in the middle of all of them, with her head on Beckett's lap. "That is a lovely thing to say, Carson. And Evan. And Radek, and you too, Ronon." She smiled at each of them in turn. "I myself have found you all to be quite appealing at various times. It is almost a shame that I am quite happily in a relationship with Kanaan." She was practically purring as Carson began to massage her temples and the smile on her face was blissful.

"Oh my God," Rodney, who had pushed aside his laptop entirely and moved to lean on the back of John's chair, sounded scandalized. "It's like a grown-up slumber party and they're playing some twisted version of truth-or-dare. I don't know if we should be watching this."

John almost agreed with him because he'd long ago gotten used to thinking about Teyla in a completely non-sexual, brotherly, way and hearing other men, even ones who were his friends, talk about her like that was setting his off defensive instincts something fierce. "They do know we're watching, right?" John had to ask.

"Of course. I explained it about four times, quite explicitly, that I was going to leave the both the audio and video feeds live the whole time." He shrugged. "I honestly just don't think they care."

"So, Teyla." John heard Beckett say, and he looked back up at the screen. There was a mischievous smile on the Doctor's face. "I know yer with Kanaan now, but what about before you and he got together, hrm?"

"Carson," Lorne started to say, "maybe that's not..." and John nodded approvingly at his 2IC, before the man was cut off by Teyla herself.

"Oh, I do not mind, Evan. I have always found that you Earth people are oddly reluctant to discuss things of a sexual nature. Amongst my people, and many people in this galaxy, such topics are discussed freely and with much ease. With the constant fear of the Wraith over our heads, my people learned long ago to take satisfaction and joy where they could and to feel no guilt or shame for the sharing of it."

Zelenka nodded. "That is krásný způsob jak žít, ah," he seemed to puzzle over his own translation for a moment, "a lovely attitude, Teyla."

She smiled warmly at Zelenka. "And to answer your question, Carson, yes there were a few individual that I spent time with before my relationship with Kanaan became what it is now."

"Ohh," he crowed. "Do tell."

"Well, two of them were soldiers who are no longer on Atlantis. Sergeant Jacobs and Lieutenant Morrison. While I did not engage in any kind of exclusive relationship with either of them, we certainly enjoyed each other's company from time to time. And the third was only a one time dalliance, but no less passionate for it, with Sergeant Bates.

"Bates?!" Carson and Zelenka both exclaimed from inside the room, while from their side of the screen John and Rodney both did the same.

"But the two of you seemed to hate each other, Teyla. Ye were like cats and dog the way ya fought."

There was no mistaking the smugly lascivious nature of her grin. "Oh, it is true we did not get along. But as with our arguments and our sparring sessions, neither of us was willing to give any ground and we fought hard for dominance. It was most satisfactory."

There was quite a bit of shifting and surreptitious adjusting from all the men in the room at that. John fought a very hard mental battle to keep any and all images of anything from coming to his mind. Teyla just continued to smile her very self-satisfied smile.

"What of you, Carson?" she asked, breaking what might have become an awkward silence. "I think we all know of Lieutenant Cadman." And oh cripes, Carson started to blush. "But has there been anyone else?"

"Er, well. There wasn't for a long while. At least not fer me." He looked a little flustered. "I mean, I spent a year as Michael's prisoner, while the real Carson Beckett was here on Atlantis. So, I don't know if he was seeing anyone before he, well, died."

Teyla reached both of her arms up over her head and sort of wrapped them around Beckett's waist in a loose, upside down hug. "You do know that we all think of you as the _real_ Carson, don't you? We do not consider you any less Carson because you are a clone."

Carson placed his hands over her forearms and squeezed. "I know ye do, luv. I just meant that I don't know if he ever got involved with anyone else, so I cannae answer that. But, I do know that before we took Atlantis back to Earth, I'd been enjoying the fair company of Doctor Allison Porter. " He ducked his chin, adding, "She's due to rotate back to Atlantis next month, actually."

Lorne wolf-whistled. "Ohh, Doc. You dawg!"

Ronon gave an approving nod. "I like her. She's good in a fight." He lifted his eyebrows significantly at Beckett. "Not bad to look at either."

“I can’t argue with that, Doc. But, I dunno. Dating a scientist. They can be pretty flighty." He directed a sly wink in Zelenka's direction.

"Oh, like you're one to talk, Evan. You dated a scientist fer four bloody years!”

"You, Evan?" Zelenka asked, carefully enough that his sincerity was hard to judge.

The smile Lorne favored him with was practically tender. "C'mon, doc. You didn't know that? David and I were together for a long time."

John winced. Damn, he really hadn't wanted to hear Lorne admit that out loud. It wasn’t that he didn’t _know_ about it, but it was something that he and Lorne were careful to never directly confirm. The only saving grace was that the rest of Lorne's team wasn't in the room with him. Coming out to two civilian scientists and two aliens, for lack of a better term, was probably as safe as he could get.

Zelenka shrugged and his smile was impish. "I suppose I did. But, for your and Doctor Parrish's sake, I pretended not to."

"Yeah, Parrish and I tried to careful about that. Tried to keep it on the down-low as much as we possibly could. Wasn’t always easy, and we learned pretty early on who we could trust,” he favored everyone in the room with a look of true appreciation. “But at the same time, we honestly got a-lot of leeway because of the whole "team" thing." He did air quotes, and grinned fiercely. "Brass never seems to want to look too deeply into how some of those team dynamics work. I suppose that the SGC originally had SG-1 as a template, and God knows that they didn’t just set the bar, they _hurdled_ the damn thing."

Zelenka sobered a moment. "Should you be sharing that with us, Evan? As Rodney is fond of pointing out, your military is quite backwards about such things."

Lorne just shrugged and shouldered against Zelenka companionably. "Thanks for the concern, Doc. But I learned a long time ago when I was still at the SGC that there's a little-known, unspoken policy on things like DADT. Being through the gate, it's like Vegas." At the blank stares from the two Pegasus natives, he elaborated. "In essence: what happens off world, stays off-world. And Atlantis is basically permanently off-world. You all know how much weird shit happens to recon teams, and hell, if everyone got reported and prosecuted for all of the crazy stuff that sometimes happens, often through no fault of their own, there wouldn't be enough people left to go through the gate!"

They don't like to make the policy that public amongst the military personnel, but I knew a guy... got caught by his commander with one of the field archaeologists on a meet-and-greet the natives mission. His commander was this real old-school douchebag who tried to bring him up on charges, but ultimately it was all dismissed because he'd been off world when it happened." He frowned, thoughtfully. "I think they blamed it on a local wine the whole team had been drinking." Lorne shrugged again. "There's always a way to skirt the rules, just saying something like 'the natives wanted us to get married' has the higher-ups freaking out, and I think that any of the military brass involved in the Stargate program knows that it just isn't worth the effort."

"Huh, I'd always wondered about that," Carson said. "I mean. I knew about quite a few off-the-record relationships, comes with the territory, I suppose. But, it seemed tae me that folks on Atlantis weren't so secretive about who they were bedding down with. I suspect that most everyone knew about you and Doctor Parrish, Evan."

Lorne nodded an agreement. "Yeah, I think eventually most people did."

"Uh, perhaps you don't want to talk about it," Zelenka began hesitantly, "but what happened? I admit, Rodney and I were both surprised to get Doctor Parrish's request for long-term, off-world posting."

Lorne sighed and when Zelenka began to apologize, he waved him off. "Naw, don't worry about it, Doc. It's not a big deal really. Just..." he flipped his hand, palm-up, fingers splaying open. "I dunno. It was just one of those things. I think he was mad at me because when Atlantis was on Earth, I never, I dunno, made any kind of demonstrative effort. I didn't introduce him to my folks, we didn't go out a-lot. But, thing was, we had to be even more careful than we were back in Pegasus, because we were right there, under the scrutiny of the SGC. Atlantis and off-world was one thing, but I couldn't risk getting caught without that loophole to back me up." He sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I guess he hoped I'd be ready to put the military behind me, and I'm not. It's who I am. It's my life." Radek reached out and patted Lorne's knee.

"And then, the nail in the coffin. An old boyfriend of his got recruited by the SGC." He grimaced. "Another scientist. Geologist. Doctor Strandberg."

Teyla nodded in understanding. "Doctor Strandberg is one of those at the off-world research site, is he not?"

"Yeah."

"I am sorry, Evan," Radek offered, his hand still curled around Lorne's knee. And hell, even John could see the two of them were a little more invested in this conversation than everyone else.

Lorne seemed to come back to himself and looked up at everyone. "Geez, I really know how to bring down a room."

Ronon waved it away. "'Sokay, sometimes it's good to talk about this kinda stuff." He lowered his voice to a growling stage-whisper and grinned up at Lorne unrepentantly. "If you're a girl..."

Lorne retaliated by taking off his boot and chucking it at Ronon. Who deflected it quite neatly. Teyla obviously took offense as well, because one of her boots went sailing across the room while Ronon was collecting Lorne's and it caught him in the shoulder. He grunted. Then Lorne and Teyla timed their next throws simultaneously and Ronon pulled out some really fancy sitting kick thing that blocked both of the footwear missiles.

"So whose turn is it?" Carson asked once the melee had settled and Ronon collected a small pile of boots that he was lording over with a vicious grin.

"Radek?" Lorne asked, nudging the man next to him meaningfully. "What about you?"

Zelenka waved him away. "No, there is nothing to tell."

"You mean ye haven't been with anyone since you've been on Atlantis?" Beckett asked, sounding incredulous.

"I did not say that. Just that there is nothing to tell." He smirked his impish little smirk.

"No way, Doc." Lorne elbowed him. "You're not getting away with that. It's not like your crush on Doctor Weir wasn't obvious to everyone. You ever make your move?"

"Ahh, Elizabeth." Zelenka sounded both fond and wistful. "She was a lovely woman, and I will not deny there was an attraction. But no, I did not ever make my move, as you say. She was I will admit, někdo obdivovat zdálky, ah, a safe target for my affection. I knew I would likely never approach her, and she, I think, saw me as too much like Rodney. Too much brain, not so dobře s lidmi, not good with people. For all she loved him dearly as a friend, he drove her mad. So, I simply contented myself with my quiet affection. It was," he lifted his shoulders, "perhaps, a cowardly thing to do, but I do not regret it."

"So," Lorne started to asked and if he tried any harder to feign nonchalance, John though he might strain something, "you and McKay never...?"

Zelenka sputtered out a laugh so sudden and hard that John knew if he'd been taking a drink at that moment, he'd have spewed liquid everywhere. "No. No way. Rodney is my dear friend and a brilliant colleague, but a lover? Ne. No. Even if there had been an attraction there, it would never happen. He and I are too much alike. We would have killed each other within week."

"He's got that right." Rodney muttered darkly at John's side.

Lorne's face looked like it didn't know if it should settle into an expression of relief or disappointment. Oddly, John kind of felt the same way.

"But there has been someone since Atlantis, Radek." Teyla urged. "You've said as much."

"If you must know, it was friend from my youth. We went to university together and worked in same research lab for a time after. And while Atlantis was on Earth, we were able to catch up."

"And," Teyla encouraged with a drawing motion of her hand that looked like she could pull the words out of him.

"And," Zelenka replied to her urging, "his name was Piotr." John practically sighed with sympathetic relief when Zelenka threw Lorne that bone.

"Huh," was all Lorne said to that, but there was no hiding his cat that ate the canary smile.

Zelenka flicked a sideways glance to Lorne. "Indeed." His grin was subtler, but no one seemed to care that they were making goo-goo eyes at each other. John's earlier feeling of being weirded out by the whole thing started to feel different. He found himself kinda feeling... happy... for Lorne and Zelenka.

Carson, meanwhile, seemed to be doing some kind of tally. "That's four of us. Who's left then?"

"Me." Ronon offered. "And you all know mine. Had a wife, or close enough to it, on Sateda. She died. Didn't get a chance for much companionship when I was a runner. Spent a few years on Atlantis just gettin' by. Then I started seeing Amelia and I still am." He shrugged. "That's it."

"Oh, ho ho. Wait just a minute now, lad." Beckett waggled a finger at him. "I don't think you can forget to mention our dear Jennifer."

Ronon rolled his eyes. "Okay yeah. I liked Jennifer. We almost kissed once during that whole quarantine thing. But then she picked McKay because I scared her when we got stuck on the Daedalus with the Wraith. End of story." His words were blunt and almost clipped, but he was still smiling as he said it. Well, maybe not smiling, but baring his teeth.

Beckett didn't seem to be bothered by it. "It's _almost_ a shame things didn't work out between her and Rodney. Though how she put up with him for so long, I'll never know."

From his side, John heard Rodney protest with a soft, "Hey!"

"Well, I gotta admit I was surprised it lasted as long as it did." Lorne said. "I mean, it's a wonder Colonel Sheppard didn't go crazy. Much as I like Doc Keller, I was relieved when she and McKay split up. The Colonel is so much easier to deal with when he's not trying to repress his raging jealousy."

John felt all the blood rush out of his face. What the hell was Lorne talking about?  
"Aye," Carson agreed. "I care for them both, Jennifer and Rodney I mean, but it wouldn't have worked out. Not with Rodney and Sheppard's..." he sketched a big, encompassing circle in the air in front of him, "whatever you call that thing between them."

"I would call it love." Teyla said quite beatifically.

Holy shit! John had to bite his tongue to keep from swearing aloud.

"Is _that_ what you call it?" Ronon asked with an amused sort of grunt.

"Well I'm sure there are other things we could call it, but the sentiment is the same." Carson said, and he sounded quite sure of himself. Everyone in the room laughed.

John moved his hand to reach for the volume, but Rodney slapped his hand away. "Rodney, I really don't think we should be listening to this anymore."

"Shhhh," Rodney hissed. "I want to hear what the hell they're talking about."

"Rodney, seriously, I..."

"No, Sheppard. I want... I need to hear this." And John just shut up and closed his eyes tight for a moment. Short of sticking his fingers in his ears and going ‘La…la…la’ (which there was no way in hell Rodney would let him get away with) it was his only defense.

In the room, Ronon was saying, "... like that's supposed to keep us from figuring it out."

"I know!" Lorne nodded with a bit too much enthusiasm. "I mean, I get that there's downplaying it, but geez, then there's pushing too far in the other direction. It becomes obvious to _everyone_. Like those elders on M2N-439 who asked that Sheppard bless the union of their newest betrothed acolytes because his and McKay’s marriage was obviously so successful."

“Or the time the Kelrinians insisted the Colonel and Rodney take home those bloody awful wall-hangings that were supposed to promote virility. Poor lads looked so confused and just didn’t get how much they were acting like an old married couple in front of the delegates.”

They did not act like an old married couple, John wanted to protest. Okay so sometimes their bickering could probably seem as something a bit more intimate than normal friendly banter. And sure, he did things to make Rodney happy that might normally be outside the scope of what casual friends did for each other (like making sure to bring his favorite MREs and swapping him for the desserts he liked); but that was because he’d learned a long time ago that a happy McKay was a productive McKay. Rodney was just a little high-maintenance, and John knew how to work with him. That was all it was.

At least, that's what he'd always assured himself anytime the thoughts came to mind. He'd gotten damn good at keeping those thoughts at bay a long time ago.

When he focused back on the conversation in the lab, he realized he missed an anecdote from Ronon. Judging from how hard Lorne and Beckett were laughing, John was pretty sure he was glad he hadn’t heard. Not that that was the end of it.

"Once," Telya said with almost malicious glee, "when Ronon and I were discussing some of our previous encounters with the Genii with Ladon Radim, he told me that after his failed attempt to take Atlantis, Acastus Kolya made it known to his troops that the only way to get to either Doctor McKay or Colonel Sheppard was to threaten the life of the other. For a time," she explained very matter-of-factly, "it became Genii policy."

"Even the Genii know about it?" Ronon clapped a hand on the floor as he practically roared with laughter. "They're like two Cartev beasts, uh, kind of a wild cat," he explained when everyone but Teyla looked puzzled. "They're friendly to all others, but when they're around their mates, they hiss and spit and fight each other all the time. It's how they show affection. Seems like they can't stand each other, but they mate for life."

"Awww," Carson cooed. "You've just described our John and Rodney as a pair of kitty-cats." He laughed at his own joke so hard he almost dislodged Teyla's head from his lap. Not that Teyla seemed to mind. She'd drawn her knees up to her belly and was laughing just as raucously as he was.

"I don't think there is anyone on Atlantis who doesn't know. It's pretty common knowledge among the military personnel." Lorne said once the hilarity had died down a bit. “And anyone who isn’t at least okay with it enough to make sure it's not an issue usually gets rotated off of Atlantis pretty quickly.”

"Woolsey doesn’t know." Ronon said. "Man hasn't got a clue."

"No!" Carson protested. "Ye can't be serious. Is he daft?"

Teyla shook her head, causing Carson to squirm slightly. "Though I've grown to respect Mister Woolsey, in particular since he fought so hard for the return of the City of the Ancients to Pegasus, I do not believe he sees what is right in front of him."

"Plus I think he's a little narrow in his views." Lorne agreed. "Not that he's bigoted, just that once he sees something one way, he can't get past it. When he came to Atlantis as its new Expedition Leader, McKay was still dating Doctor Keller. I don't think he ever even considered the possibility that McKay might be anything other than heterosexual."

"But Rodney and Jennifer have not been together for some months," Teyla argued. "Surely the fact that John and Rodney have been closer than ever since that relationship ended would have caught Mister Woolsey's notice."

Lorne just shrugged. "I think he's pigeonholed McKay into the 'straight' category and hasn't seen bothered looking for anything to change his mind. Same with Sheppard. Not that I think Sheppard has dated anyone since I've been on Atlantis."

"Actually," Zelenka finally spoke up, his expression oddly sober. "According to Rodney, he and Colonel Sheppard are not together, and never were."

Sounds of surprise and protest filled the room. John frowned. What the kind of friends did he have that they would talk about him like this? And how could they be so damn sure of themselves? He was half-tempted to switch the mic back on and call them all on it. The only thing that stopped him was Rodney sitting beside him, close enough that the air between them was warm from their shared body heat. He didn't know what that kind of reaction would do to Rodney. He was sure as hell afraid to find out.

"Did either of them ever actually admit it to either of you?" Zelenka asked of Ronon and Teyla.

Teyla and Ronon exchanged a glance. "Didn't come right out and say it," Ronon admitted. "But this one time Sheppard was asking me if I was interested in anyone on Atlantis. He was really careful to suggest that it could be a guy or a girl. I always figured that was his way of saying it without saying it."

Teyla nodded. "I would have to agree with Ronon. Neither of them have ever overtly stated it to me, though they've both expressed their open views on same-sex relationships at different times." She looked over at Ronon and seemed almost sad. "I too assumed that this was their way of sharing the truth of their relationship without ever having to put us in the situation where we might have to lie for them."

Carson sighed heavily. "Och, that's so sad. I've never met two people who seem to want to be with each other as much as those two. Poor lads."

Teyla reached up an arm to pat Carson on the shoulder. "I agree with you Carson. Had I known that they have never come forward to each other with their feelings, I'd have surely spoken to both of them. I thought that they were not together simply because John had tried to do the noble thing and step aside so Rodney could pursue his plans for a wife and family.”

“Aye, that sounds like something our John Sheppard would do. Poor lad,” Carson repeated.

A soft ‘huh', sounded from beside John and he snuck a sideward glance. Rodney didn’t look upset, just extremely thoughtful.

Lorne's expression was uncertain. "They're both, like, bi though, right? I mean, I've always known it about Sheppard, but I guess I just assumed McKay must be as well."

"I know Rodney is," Carson said with surety. "Not that we ever ... I mean..." He was blushing yet _again_. "You know what I mean. I'm his friend and his doctor, so he told me."

Zelenka nodded. "Yes. He has told me of several dalliances with men that occurred before his time in Atlantis. I think it has not been since he was with the SGC, though. Working with US military and all that."

"Right," Carson agreed. "Plus he had that ridiculous crush on Samantha Carter for a long time."  
Ronon grinned. "She was pretty hot. Didn't always see eye-to-eye with her, but she was always good to look at."

The other three men in the room, and even Teyla (Teyla? What the hell?) nodded, and John felt a twisting in his gut. He liked Carter, he really did. Respected the hell out of her. But there was always something about her that had rubbed him just a little bit wrong. He'd just kind of figured it was the whole Air Force Colonel being brought in to lead the expedition thing. Was it Rodney's infatuation with her, instead? Damn, yet another thing he'd really rather avoid thinking about. "Rodney," he started to say, very plaintively, but was shushed instantly with a hiss of breath.

He should get up and walk away. If Rodney wanted to listen to this stuff, then fine. He could. John wouldn't stop him; but he should be the one to get up and stop listening. Not let this go any further than it already had. But he couldn't even begin to make his hands come up to push himself away from the console. He felt rooted to the spot.

In the room the conversation went on. "And you know of the Colonel, Evan?" Radek asked.

Lorne kind of nodded, but it turned into a half-shrug with the dip of his chin. "I mean, it was sort of the thing with you guys," he indicated Teyla and Ronon with a quick nod. "He didn't ever come right out and tell me, but he gave me this talk when I first got to Atlantis about how he was running the military operation. Said we were millions of light years from Earth, and he wasn't going to enforce any bass-ackwards policies as long as people were discreet. I think he was feeling me out. Wanted to make sure I'd back him on that decision."

"I'll be honest," Lorne went on. "I'd never had a commanding officer give me that kind of speech with no hidden agenda. There was a part of me that I think suspected he was setting me up." He gave a wry little smirk. "Not the first time that's happened." The twist of his lips turned bitter before relaxing into a smooth, upward curing line. "But then, it wasn't long after Parrish and I started seeing each other that David got wounded off-world. I was a freakin' mess. Protocol should have had me reporting to Doctor Weir immediately, but Sheppard stepped in on my behalf. Just put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye and told me to get my ass to the infirmary to be with Parrish."

"He is a good man," Teyla smiled that big, serene, knowing smile of hers. Everyone else nodded. John felt his cheeks start to burn. Hearing that was _almost_ as difficult as listening to them talk about him and Rodney.

Zelenka looked thoughtful. "You know, they are watching us. The Colonel and Rodney, I mean."

Lorne blanched, "What?"

"Aye," Carson confirmed, "that's what Rodney said earlier, remember? He said he got the video and audio feeds into the lab running. That he was going tae be monitoring us to make sure no one had a bad reaction to the exposure to the drug."

"Oh, shit." Lorne looked absolutely devastated for all of ten seconds, then he burst out into an explosion of laughter. "Sheppard's gonna kill me!" He doubled over and ended up half sprawled on Zelenka, who caught him by wrapping his arms around Lorne's waist.

Carson looked up to the corners of the room and waved both his arms frantically in completely the wrong direction if he was aiming for the camera. "Colonel, as Major Lorne's doctor, I must insist that you don't kill him!"

As earlier, everyone in the room corrected him, shouting out "Lieutenant Colonel Lorne!"

Carson looked chagrinned for a moment, but that seemed to be the tipping point for all of them. It was quite pathetic really, watching grown men - and one woman - rolling on the floor like children, clutching their sides in abject hysterics. Okay, John couldn't help but grin along with them. For as ridiculous as it all was - especially the part he was carefully, studiously, not thinking about - it was also damn good to see his friends so happy. Granted, things in Pegasus were a hell-of-a-lot better since Atlantis had returned from her (overlong) stint on Earth. The Wraith were still in disarray and latest rumor was that a-lot of hives were going back into hibernation, and the Pegasus coalition was still going strong. Even the Genii were cooperating lately.

But, there were still cullings, and the aftermath of the Hoffan virus to be dealt with (Carson and Keller had been taking turns doing off-world missionary work since the city had returned) and stupid things like scared natives and rock falls and rogue asteroids that still claimed the lives of the people he was charged with protecting. Tomorrow they might feel differently, but John couldn't begrudge them the joy and freedom they were experiencing with each other right now.

"I'm hungry," Ronon declared a few minutes later, and pushed himself up from the floor to cross the room to his pack. Talk in the room turned to food, and soon everyone was up and digging through packs and exchanging bits and pieces of their MREs. John let his attention drift away from the screen.

He could feel Rodney sitting next to him. Could almost feel the weight of his regard like a physical presence, pushing at his shoulders and compressing his chest.

"So..." He rubbed self-consciously at the back of his neck. "We uh, gonna talk about all that?" he asked, and finally looked over at Rodney.

Who was looking at him with the same wariness. "Uh, do we have to? I mean, they seem to have covered it quite thoroughly." The normally downturned corner of his mouth curled up in an ironic little smirk.

John laughed softly. "Yeah, they really did." He canted his head to the side and stared into Rodney's eyes. "Were they right? I mean... " He let the words trail off. He was bad at this. At talking about shit like this. Plus, he didn't know if he wanted to push things beyond the comfort zone he and Rodney had been living in for so damn long. Just because these ‘things’ had been brought to air out, didn't mean they _needed_ to do anything about it.

"You _know_ they're right, Sheppard." Rodney said, softly. "And I know it too. Hell," he looked away and lifted a hand in a little wave towards the ceiling, "everyone in the whole damn galaxy knows it, apparently. I mean really," he scoffed, "the Genii?" He looked back at John again, and that small smile was still playing at his lips. "I think the real question is whether or not we finally listen."

And that _was_ the real decision, wasn't it? John had been avoiding making this particular decision for so long, that it almost felt like he _couldn’t_ make it. This place they were in was comfortable and familiar in the way that the Wraith were a comfortable and familiar enemy. He didn’t like them, and wanted to see them wiped out, but he knew their tactics and their habits and practically even knew their gloating speeches word for damn word. As long as he knew his enemy, he knew how to handle them. But throw something new at him and he’d be starting from square one.

John ducked his chin at the same time he lifted his shoulders. “I think,” he drawled out as lazily as he could manage, “that we’ve got some damn perceptive friends who are gonna kick both of our asses if we _don’t_ listen. I'm sure Teyla's already got speeches planned.”

Rodney snorted inelegantly, but his chin was high and beneath the brave face was the suggestion of vulnerability. “Well, I’d hate to disappoint them. Although, you realize they’ll be impossible to live with once they find out?”

John smirked but deep down was feeling that ‘holy shit’ feeling again. Because they were gonna do this. Somehow he managed yet another laconic shrug. “We’ve got enough blackmail material to hold us over for a good, long while. I don’t think we should worry about it.”

“You’re right,” Rodney nodded viciously, “I’ve got payback for Radek’s stunt with the card and then some.” All the fight seemed to go out of him then. “So…” he let the word trail off rather suggestively.  
John’s smirk evolved into something both maniacal and grateful. Quite deliberately he replied: “Sew buttons.”

He though he was fully prepared for McKay’s next move – expecting a tentative touch of hand to cheek, or maybe a slow-motion, eyes-closed lean into his space - but Rodney just scooted close, grabbed a fistful of his shirt and hauled him close and pressed their mouths together. It took him a moment to simply get what was happening, but when he finally did, he made up for any lost time by kissing back hard, with lots of lip tugging and tongue chasing and fingers twining in hair and fisting in cloth and shared breaths.

It felt completely unexpected and at the same time, wholly inevitable. And maybe because they’d spent so damn long in the foreplay stage of their relationship - hell, almost since day one - they moved into the physical intimacy with a kind of crazy ease. Rodney continued to manhandle him, dragging John up from the chair and practically into his lap. He caught the fingers of one hand in the belt loops on John’s BDUs and the other worked its way under the hem of his shirt, pressing hotly against his skin.

Not to be outdone on the grabbiness, John wrapped one hand around the back of Rodney’s neck and snuck the other into the almost non-existent space between them. Rodney arched into the greedy curve of his palm, groaning against his mouth. Damn that was hot. He ground the heel of his hand harder against Rodney’s cock, just to elicit another one of those agonizingly erotic noises.

Uncountable hot, wet, devouring kisses later, he managed to pull his mouth away from Rodney’s for a moment and was planning to suggest they move over to the nice comfy sleeping bags (Rodney had gotten his own hand down the front of John’s BDUs, so coherency wasn’t high up on his list of capabilities) when Rodney just stood up, made John stand with him, and muttered, “Floor, blankets… horizontal now,” and then began shuffling them backwards across the room.

John chuffed a laugh. “Bossy much, Rodney?” But he let himself be tugged along – Rodney was pulling by a pretty convincing handle after all - then decided it might be a good idea to put up at least a token resistance. He used his own hold on Rodney to maneuver him to stand on the blankets and then hooked a knee behind his Rodney's leg and brought them both down to the floor in a controlled fall.

Making sure they landed so that he was on the bottom, Rodney grunting at the suddenness of it (though without complaint) John immediately shifted onto his back and drew Rodney’s body on top of him. And that was even better than the making out standing up. Rodney's thigh was snugged between his legs, rubbing against him just a little shy of too hard, and the weight of his body pressing John down to the floor nearly had him gasping from the intensity of it.

Skin. He needed to get at skin. He tugged haphazardly at Rodney's shirt and was reminded of just how awesome it was that Rodney's was a genius when the man reared back, pulled his own shirt off and just shucked his BDUs and boxers with hardly a need to lift himself off of John at all. Then he impatiently tugged at John's shirt while John was busy managing to shimmy out of his own pants and boxers. They both succeeded at about the same time (and John wasn't even going to question the physics of it), and Rodney collapsed back down onto John taking his mouth greedily and stroking his hands over pretty much every piece of John's bared skin that he could reach.

John let his legs splay to the sides and got his hands on Rodney's ass and squeezed and pressed and that got their cocks lined up just about perfectly for the best kind of sweaty friction. He pushed up and Rodney ground down and eventually he had to drag his mouth away from Rodney's so he could get enough air. It was too intense, too much and a few slick, heavy thrusts later, the world went white behind his eyes and he came, gasping out Rodney's name.

Rodney continued rubbing off against his damp skin, pushing now into the juncture of his thigh, and the friction sent aftershocks of too-sharp pleasure zinging through him even though he'd just come.

"C'mon Rodney," he urged hoarsely, mouthing against Rodney's neck and chest and, palming his ass and the back of one thigh. And then Rodney made that almost pained noise of overwhelming release and he felt another hot spurt of wetness against his belly.

Rodney let himself slump down onto John, panting into his ear, and John didn't care if it was sappy or anything, he just wrapped his arms around Rodney's back and held tight.

"You can stay there," he protested, when Rodney started to roll off of him a few minutes later. "You're not too heavy."

"Thanks for the concern for my self esteem, Sheppard," Rodney's scoff was hindered by both the ridiculous smile on his face and the fact that he was still breathing quite hard, "but I wasn't concerned about crushing you. I just needed to catch my breath." The hand that he flung out to catch one of John's belied the dismissive tone of the words.

“So,” John said a short time later, still feeling that wash of post-orgasmic bliss thrumming through his whole body.

Rodney disentangled his fingers from John's and smacked an arm across his chest.

“What?” he asked, trapping Rodney’s arm again before he could pull it away.

“Oh, I thought you were doing the whole sew buttons thing again. I felt compelled to stop you.”

John snorted out a laugh. “No, I wasn’t doing that. I was just, I dunno… reveling in the moment.” He rolled to his side so that he could see Rodney’s face, and look him in the eyes. “You do know that everything they said about us, about me, is true right. I mean, even about what this is. What it means… I mean, what _you_ mean to me.”

The fondly exasperated smiled on Rodney’s face was a ridiculously familiar sight. “Of course I do, Sheppard. And I love you, too." And god, he said it so easy. So natural. Like it was breathing and getting a cup of coffee and bitching out subordinates and driving John to distraction. Like it wasn't anything he'd agonized over and struggled to understand and accept and needed to see from the point of view of the people who cared about him and knew him best before he could really get it. "Although,” he went on, sounding rather airily doubtful, “I don’t know if it’s the most auspicious start to our _actual_ relationship – opposed to the one that everyone _thinks_ we’ve been having the past six years - that I’m getting the message that you love me from our stoned friends.”

Feeling the heat of a blush spread down his chest and up his neck, John pushed forward closer into Rodney’s space, fitting himself into the shape of Rodney’s body. “Yeah, I kinda suck at this stuff. I mean, I do, and I have for a long damn time. It's just not something I say..."

Rodney silenced him in the best way possible, pressing his mouth to John's. Now that the fervor and desperate heat of earlier had been tamped down, this kiss felt different: slow and exploring, but no less sensual. When Rodney finally drew back, taking John's lower lip with him before letting it slide from between the gentle pressure of his teeth, he spoke softly. "You don't need to, John. I meant it when I said _I know_." The smile that followed was much more Rodney-like. "Although, that doesn't mean I'm not going to lord it over you at every opport..."

John figured that it was his turn to try the whole 'shutting someone up by kissing them' thing and rolled himself on top of Rodney, hungrily catching whatever it was that Rodney was babbling about against his lips and tongue. They both may have been well past the age of near instantaneous refractory periods, but there was something to be said for letting it all build up slow and easy and spine-meltingly good. When they both finally collapsed to the bedrolls quite awhile later, sweaty and sated and spent, sleep followed almost immediately.

And the sleep that came after great sex was some of the best sleep John ever knew. When he woke up later, aching pleasantly, the lights in the room were still dimmed to evening settings. John pushed himself up from the tangle of blankets and stretched an arm out to grab for his watch. It was only about four am, Atlantis time, and there were still four and a half hours until the quarantine was up. Moving so as not to wake Rodney, he slipped on his boxers and a t-shirt (Rodney's from the way it fit too loosely across the shoulders) and headed over to the view screens.

The central screen showed Carson asleep on one of the beds, and Ronon and Teyla cuddled up close together in one corner with a blanket tucked over them. They were talking, but their voices were pitched to low for him to hear anything they were saying. The fact that an occasional soft snicker of laughter drifted out told him that maybe the drug hadn't completely worked its way out of their systems yet.

He looked over to the left screen, then the right to find Lorne and Zelenka, and then hurriedly dropped his gaze from what was happening in the small supply room. Apparently Lorne had gotten over the whole Parrish thing, or at least was able to take some comfort from Radek. Good for them.

He heard Rodney stirring, so he got up and headed back over to the sleeping bags. "Go back to sleep," he whispered, pulling the shirt off and tossing it aside. "It's early yet." He settled back down into the nest of bedding. Rodney turned over to his side and pulled John against him, back to front, setting his arms around John's chest and tucking his knees up behind John's.

"Hey," Rodney asked in a sleepy voice, "is that Lorne and Zelenka making out on screen three?"

John glanced up at the glowing terminals, but couldn't discern anything beyond a chiaroscuro of moving shapes and colors. "Damn, you're eyes are good."

"I'm so going to harass him for that." Rodney tightened his hold and practically burrowed his face into the back of John's neck. "We should do something nice for them."

"How 'bout before we go back to Atlantis we take them all dinosaur watching?"

And ewww, he felt Rodney's derisive snort of an exhale right against his nape. "I was thinking we could maybe tell them... you know, about us." And he may have sounded sleepy, but there was a hesitancy to Rodney's tone that John knew few would recognized.

John sighed theatrically, and then managed to shrug one shoulder as lazily as he could manage from within the confines of Rodney's clutches. "I suppose we could do that."

Rodney's body went lax against his even as he tightened his embrace. "Good. I think that's good." He let out a loud, teeth-clacking yawn and settled himself against John like he was some kind of body pillow. "Doesn't mean we shouldn't harass the hell out of them in the morning," he whispered muzzily into John's ear. "Blackmail material for eternity..."

John gave up on fighting off a yawn. "You're so vicious, Rodney." He chuckled softly.

Half-asleep, Rodney made a snuffling noise and managed, "Love you too, Sheppard."

"Yeah," John whispered to the soft sound of light snoring, "love you too."


End file.
